Positively Handy
by Bandicoot Sauce
Summary: Link is bothered about something. Can he bring himself to tell Midna? No, it's not what you think. Completely random, but nonetheless funny!


**Positively Handy**

Hyrule Field

_The darkness surrounded him… Everywhere he looked, he could see Twilight particles. Then IT appeared. Orange. Enormous. Serpent-like. Horrible. Glowing with magical energy._

_Link reached for his sword, but his hands closed around empty air where the hilt of the Master Sword should've been. He raised his shield, but the source of his dread grabbed it and cast it aside. Then the thing lunged at him and everything went black._

Link awoke with a loud gasp, sweating. He looked around hurriedly. All was quiet in the moonlit Hyrule Field, save for the occasional call of an unseen animal or creature, possibly a Kargarok, one of those dragon-like creatures that the hero despised. Nothing moved. He was still sitting with his back against the rock as he had been when he had gone to sleep. Epona rested nearby, snoring gently. Midna was curled up on Link's lap, her helmeted head resting against his chest. The hero smiled. The dark imp looked so adorable when she slept. Very gently, he lifted her off of him and rested her on the ground. She gave a tiny groan and turned over in her sleep, beginning to suck her thumb. Link stood up and walked a short way away. He started to climb the rocky overhang. He reached the top and stood gazing out at the moonlit vastness that was Hyrule Field. Hyrule Castle stood out in the distance, tall and majestic, save for the rather ominous golden barrier that surrounded it presently. The sky was filled with twinkling stars. In spite of the beauty spread out before him, Link's features were solemn. He looked down at his feet, lost in his thoughts. Lost in his troubles.

He had been having the same nightmare for a while now. He could picture it vividly in his mind. He could never hurt Midna, nor she him, but her hair… Just thinking about it made Link uneasy. Midna's hair was brimming with otherworldly magic, allowing it to take the from of a long glowing arm complete with a gigantic hand more than capable of crushing just about anything. When Midna had first used this supernatural appendage to drag him back into the Twilight Realm to hunt for the stolen light of the Light Spirits, Link had nearly had a heart attack when the enormous hand had suddenly lashed out of the Curtain of Twilight and grabbed him, yanking him through the barrier. Midna had said that only a creature of Twilight could let an outsider into the Twilight, but he had not been prepared for that.

And now, there it was, always at the back of his mind, bugging him. Nagging him.

Scaring him.

He kept picturing Midna turning on him, a cold, cruel look on her face as her hair twisted into its magical form. It would grab him and rip him in two and then the imp would just stare down at his remains, laughing maniacally as blood poured from what was left of him…

"No!" he gasped, jerking back to reality. "I can't think things like that. I can't! I trust Midna. We've been through so much together. She wouldn't just stab me in the back." He shook his head to clear it. "I've gotta get my head in the game. I'll never defeat Zant if I don't."

* * *

><p><em>The next day...<em>

"HEEEEEEYYYYYY!"

"Oh, jeez, here it comes." muttered Link as the postman hurried up to meet him. The strange little man stopped and bent over, panting, the flag on his back swaying in the breeze. "Greetings, Mister Link." he said as he straightened up. "I have come to deliver a letter!"

Link rolled his eyes. "Well, duh." he said, reaching down from atop Epona to take it.

"It is a letter from Telma." the postman stated. "Well, my business is concluded. Onward to mail!" With that, the nutter took off, running like a total retard as usual. Link shook his head at the retreating figure before turning his attention to the letter.

"Man, that guy is so weird." Midna said, appearing as a shadow. "Anyway, what's the news?"

"Telma has some people at the bar who she wants me to meet. She says that they can help me… save Hyrule." he finished, surprised. He re-read the letter to make sure he was right.

"Well, let's not keep them waiting, Mister all-important-hero!" Midna said teasingly. She vanished into the shadows and Link slapped Epona's hindquarters to get her moving. The horse whinnied and reared up before taking off at high speed.

* * *

><p><span>Castle Town<span>

"Uh, Link, remind me again why we've stopped off here?" Midna asked, looking up from her seat at the outdoor cafe table, a milkshake in a tall glass in front of her. She sipped at it through a straw, aware that more than a few people were giving her strange looks as they passed by. Castle Town was a place where all kinds gathered, but not many Hylians had seen a strange black imp with yellow eyes and a metal helmet before.

"What're you staring at?" she spat at a young boy who had stopped walking and was staring at her in wonder and bewilderment. He gulped and hurried after his friends, who were 'ooh'ing and 'aah'ing over a slingshot that the group leader had obtained.

Link sighed and put down his milkshake glass. "I gotta tell you something."

The sun shone brightly overhead as Link explained his plight to Midna.

"Really? That's what's been troubling you lately?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why didn't you say so?"

"Because I felt stupid and embarrassed about it." the hero declared. "I mean, come on, it sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I was worried that you'd find it funny, actually."

Midna thought about this for a second. Then a sly grin spread across her face.

"It's not, but do you wanna see something _really_ funny?" she asked. "Watch this."

Midna's hair began to extend, producing from her head like an enormous strand of spider silk. Link watched as it snaked its way under the tables and over to where the kids with the slingshot were playing. Midna's hand hair tapped the group leader on the shoulder and he looked to the right, seeing nothing. Midna then pulled the elastic on the slingshot in his left hand back. He turned back to look at it and it snapped in his face. He cried out in pain and looked around in shock.

"Wh-what just happened?" he asked.

"I dunno." one of his friends said nervously. "D'you think it was a ghost?"

The leader bit his lip. "Lets get outta here." he said. With that, the group took off towards the market. Midna chuckled as she retracted her hair. "Now, why would you need to be scared of me when I can do cool things like that?" she asked, grinning. Link couldn't believe her actions.

"Midna, why did you do that?" he exclaimed. "You really shouldn't risk drawing attention to yourself like that."

Midna sank under the table as a shadow and reappeared next to Link, stroking his chin. "You know you liked it." she said in a seductive, playful voice. She grabbed her milkshake, downed it in one gulp and let out a massive burp, causing even more people to stare. "Come on, Link. Let's go meet those friends of Telma."

Link chuckled to himself as Midna began to hover away. "Good old Midna. She never changes." He leapt up and hurried after her while behind him, at a nearby table…

Zant lowered the newspaper hiding his face as the hero and the imp hurried out of sight. "Idiots." he muttered. He straightened his helmet and vanished in a flurry of Twilight particles.

* * *

><p><strong>Show's over, folks! (Hee hee!) See you later!<strong>


End file.
